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Dying Matter Week - how to talk to your family

How to talk to your family about death and bereavement

During 14th to 20th May, Dying Matters Week promotes the opportunity to place the importance of talking about dying, death and bereavement firmly on the national agenda.

The national campaign is organised by Dying Matters, a coalition of 32,000 members across England and Wales which aims to help people talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life.

Many of us know of an individual who will have been faced with a terminal illness or long term health issue. How that person chooses to spend the last days of their life is very personal and we recognise that, as hard as it can be, talking about the subject is the best outcome for them and their family and friends. 

At Nurseplus we strive to help those we care for to remain as independent as possible, for as long as possible, whilst being treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. Our workforce is passionate about these values, whether they are providing a homecare service, or providing a staffing solution to a care provider, and our Gold Standard Framework accreditations provides them with the knowledge and expertise to confidently deliver additional support to those they care for, as well as families.

Our belief is that individuals should have the final say in how they are cared for, and this would form part of that person’s tailored care plan. Family and friends play just an important part in this care plan, and will often be supporting the individual as much as we do.

So, what if you are the person facing this difficult news and you need to discuss the next steps with your family and friends? It’s certainly not an easy subject to address, but being open and honest about your feelings and emotions is only going to be of benefit to everyone close to you.

Try to encourage discussions with those around you and be honest about the care and treatment you would like to receive. Do you want to receive care at home? Would you prefer to be cared for elsewhere? Or can you cope on your own but want a little support? These are all options that should be considered and that can be placed into an on-going care plan.

Remember there is no right or wrong way to discuss this subject, and you know your friends and family the best. Do what feels right for you, in a place and at a time that is comfortable for you. Many find it a relief once the matter is out in the open.

Different people will react in different ways and this is perfectly normal. Some may instantly become upset about the news and your wishes, others may get angry. They could become withdrawn, or feel scared. Most importantly, give them time to process the information and you will probably need to discuss again when the news has sunk in.

Try to communicate how you are feeling and why your future decisions are important to you, whilst at the same time remembering those around you will be emotionally attached, which can often affect their rational thinking.

You may want to make use of counselling and support groups which will give you the opportunity to speak to other people facing similar situations. These may also be of benefit to your family and friends as they will hear other people’s opinions, as well as your own.

It’s a good time to share your hopes and wishes for how you would like to die and what you want to prepare for before this happens. There may be places and people you want to see or you might want to prepare a memory box with your family. These are all special moments that you can share with your family and friends, and that they can support you with.

Resources and support

There is lots of support available for you and your family and friends to help you on your journey. Dying Matters has many resources including DVDs, leaflets and online advice.

The Find Me Help Directory is the UK’s most comprehensive directory of services for people in the last years of life, their families, carers and friends. They also have an online community where you can chat with those who are facing similar experiences.

If you are receiving care be sure to know your rights of care and discuss your care plan with your care worker. It’s important your wishes are known and that you are treated with the dignity and respect you deserve.

Posted on May 10, 2018 by Nurseplus